


And The Sky is Clear

by SilverServerError



Category: CLAMP - Works, xxxHoLic
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 14:15:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10968918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverServerError/pseuds/SilverServerError
Summary: It might hurt less, if he didn't want it so badly.





	And The Sky is Clear

The moon is full and the sky is clear.

The chill air is sweet with Spring as a breeze teases through the ends of Watanuki’s hair. He can feel it brushing his neck. Just as he feels Doumeki’s hand, broad and warm, soft palm and subtle callus, as it draws up from his knee, pulling a robe that he still thinks of as Yuuko’s a little higher.

“More,” he says softly, and for once it’s gentle. “It won’t work unless you mean it.”

He hears Doumeki inhale sharply, then say nothing.

Watanuki looks down as Doumeki’s tan hand grips a little tighter, and something scary and powerful tingles across his skin.

“Better?” Is all he asks, quiet and dispassionate as he can in Watanuki’s ear.

Watanuki turns his head away, feeling the flush on his cheeks and resisting the impulse to fight it. His blue and amber eyes look at anything else. The trees. The paper lanterns. The smooth wood grain of the shop’s back porch.

The moon is full and the sky is clear.

“Relax,” Doumeki says, blunt in a way that feels so painfully nostalgic in this moment. There's a ‘no pressure’ that goes unspoken, because it's no longer true. Nevertheless, they both hear the echo of it on the wind.

But it's enough. For a moment Watanuki feels like himself. For a moment a spark of annoyance drives him to look back, glaring at Doumeki.

‘Easy for you to say!’

Watanuki doesn't say it. It gets caught somewhere in his throat as he sees just how close Doumeki’s face is to his. Then it comes even closer. For a horrifying second, Watanuki thinks Doumeki will kiss him.

But he doesn't.

He caresses his nose softly against his own. Watanuki freezes. Then when the thaw melts, he gasps.

“Close your eyes,” Doumeki tells him, and it's that same heart-achingly bossy tone. “Stop thinking.”

And Watanuki does. What else can he do? The world is so much bigger than either of them ever could have imagined, and for once, he’ll let Doumeki shoulder that burden.

It’s in this sightless moment on the porch, with the soft, sweet breeze on his skin, that Doumeki’s hand slips under the robe, and presses softly between his legs.

“Just feel,” Doumeki sighs, warm air against his ear, down his neck and shoulder, followed by a shiver and goosebumps.

“Doumeki?” He whispers, sounding every bit as lost as he feels.

“Shh…” He soothes, and Watanuki can feel it as Doumeki starts to nose at the skin behind his ear, the hair at the nape of his neck…

“Ahhh!”

As his hand starts to stroke gently.

A strong arm wraps around his stomach, supportive as Watanuki’s body threatens to melt.

For a time he tries to stay still and silent. But it's not long at all before he's panting. His eyes open, but they look different now. His pupils are wide and his gaze unfocused. Like he can see everything and nothing all at once.

The moon is full and the sky is clear.

“Doumeki…”

“I know,” he answers softly, touch drawing up and down… circling… making him grow harder still beneath the fabric. “Keep going. You’re doing fine.”

“Doumeki…”

“I know.”

But it's not-

“Doumeki!”

The hand around his stomach spreads broad, holding him close, while the rest of him freezes.

“Yes?” His voice is strained, just as his brow is above tight-closed eyes.

All Watanuki can do is breathe, harsh and heavy as he watches the trees unseeingly. Doumeki is such a solid, overwhelming presence at his back. Such a warm realness squeezing between his legs.

He feels…

Doumeki’s thumb traces a slow, tiny circle against his tip.

Oh God, he feels so good!

Watanuki cries out, and the yard falls to an unnatural quiet. The crickets hush. The cicadas hold their breath.

And again Watanuki is drawn back to reality. This place. These things beyond the darkness.

The moon is full and the sky is clear.

His heart pounds as he watches the far fence, eyes open wide.

Then they roll back again, as Doumeki’s hand strokes him firmly from base to tip. He moans softly, legs drawing together and toes curling, as a hot tongue licks firm and confident up the soft muscle of his neck.

“Doumeki!” He cries out, shuddering, hips arching helplessly into his grip. “Do you-? Are you-?”

Hands leave him, only for fingertips to dig into his hip bones through the fabric, dragging him back, pressing him firm against Doumeki’s obvious arousal.

It's low and hungry when Doumeki growls a simple, honest “Yes!”

Watanuki grinds back, shy but oh so needy, hands grasping whatever he can of Doumeki’s solid form. His open, spread thighs, warm even through the fabric. His hands. His hair as Watanuki reaches back, clumsy in pleasure.

“Doumeki! Doumeki, please!”

He twitches in his grasp.

“Watanuki… the spell…”

It's a moan. A need and an emptiness. It's a refusal.

“I don't care!” Watanuki sobs, body rebelling, dragging him helplessly towards shaky climax. “Keep going!”

“You don't mean that.” His voice sounds so, so heavy.

“I do! I-”

“Watanuki!” This time it's sharp. Warning.

Again, the silence.

Again, the need.

“Doumeki…” his voice is such a tiny thing. But it echos in this stillness.

“Look at me,” Doumeki says, firm, and yet anything but cruel. Watanuki can't, but then a hand is on his jaw and Doumeki isn't giving him a choice. Watanuki’s eyes widen as they lock with Doumeki’s. His brown eyes are fierce, careful, and endlessly caring. His voice is almost steady. “Look me in the eye,” he speaks softly now. Gentle. “And tell me you want this.”

Watanuki’s heart pounds in his chest, and he’s helpless to look away. Everything is Doumeki. His touch. His grip. His eyes and his heat.

And Watanuki wants it.

He wants to surrender and feel and cry out and come.

He could so easily submit. He has a vision of himself, kneeling beneath Doumeki. Robe drawn up his thighs and gathered at the small of his back. How it would feel for Doumeki’s weight to anchor his wrists to the boards. How the grain would feel against his cheek.

He stares at Doumeki, feeling all these different paths and destinies, and more than anything he wants to kiss him. Long and hard, clinging to the bit of himself that he gave to Doumeki so long ago. That he has tirelessly, miraculously kept safe for him.

Shaky, pale fingers touch Doumeki’s cheek.

He's so-

Watanuki wants to kiss him. But if he kisses him, he'll want to hold him. Laugh with him. Argue with him. Follow him home and love him. That, and a thousand more terrifying, impossible things. Things that will hurt so badly. And he just isn't brave enough.

“Get out,” Watanuki whispers, heart breaking.

He watches. He can't look away as Doumeki’s expression crumbles. Even as he closes his eyes, as he grits his teeth and nods in agreement. And yet his arms are still there, every touch screaming devotion.

“Are you-”

Watanuki cuts him off, pulling away, staring blankly at the stars, “I said leave.”

The moon is full and the sky clear.

He can hear Doumeki’s breath catch. Can hear him gathering himself. Then without warning, lips are pressed to his cheek.

Watanuki gasps, a violent mix of emotions crashing through him. Love. Grief. Desire. But most of all anger. Sudden and paralyzing. Ruthlessly painful.

Before he can even breathe again, Doumeki is gone, but still he sits still and unmoving as a statue as he comes down.

‘It will hurt less tomorrow,’ he promises himself silently. Most days it's true.

This gnawing emptiness that he refuses to name, it seeks to consume him, just as the rest do. Just as they always have done. That will be his price some day, and he prays to God it will be enough.

Watanuki touches his cheek softly. Before he would have thought the lingering warmth was imaginary. He knows better now.

He lets his eyes close and takes a deep breath, gathering his energy. This is not the pure desire he'd planned on using, but hopefully it will be enough.

He stands stiffly, feeling suddenly so uncomfortable in these robes.

He opens his palm, and light weaves in the concentric arches of a mandala before him.

His eyes bore into the darkness beyond.

The moon is full and the sky is clear. 


End file.
